The Prairie Spy

Alan “Lindy” Linda

Another holiday has seemingly dragged its heels and taken forever to get here, but once here, has now sped past us with blazing speed and has disappeared forever.  Behind it, it has left Christmas photographs of new babies, questionably selected presents, sleds and toys, sneezing noses, and memories of a few hangovers.

At this house, one of the anticipated leftovers are the written results of yet another family game of Balderdash, a game where everyone makes up the meanings and definitions of words, titles, abbreviations, and names. Admittedly, the game got a new twist this year with a liberal application of tequila. Some of us barely remembered the game the next day. You, however, are fresh in your brain cells, and should do much better. Ready? Here we go. You try and guess which is the correct answer.

The first question: In Blythe, California, you may not wear cowboy boots unless:

You are carrying at least two guns; 2. A minimum of two generations of your family have been cattle ranchers; 3. You are attending the funeral of a cattle rancher; 4. You own a horse; 5. You already own at least two cows; 6. You are riding a horse; 7. They have rowel spurs; 8.You are a cowboy; 9. You are a man.

There. First round over. The answers are at the end. Circle the one you think it is.

Next question: In Somalia, Africa, it is illegal to carry old:

People; 2. Torches; 3. Tennis shoes with holes; 4. Ammunition; 5. Goats; 5. Chewing gum stuck on the tip of your nose; 6. Worn out shoes; 7. Coins; 8. Wooden spears; 9. Zebra hides.

The third question: A movie called “To the last man” is a movie about:

War; 2. The spoils go to the last man standing; 3. Tale of survival at the Bataan death march; 4.A 1947 movie starring Richard Widmark documenting Custer’s last stand; 5.The last man on earth is captured by females in order to repopulate the earth; 6. A company of marines cooperatively buy a lottery ticket and are shipped off to war, where only one survives to win it; 7. A Kung Fu escapade; 8. A WW 2 movie directed by Mark Senet; 9. Mormon faith in the desert.

The fourth question: The abbreviation “SAG” stands for:

Society of African Genealogists; 2. Strategic Approach to Ground; 3. Same as Gold; 4. Society of American Ginkology; 5. Second Adjutant General; 6. Screen Actors Guild; 7. Saggital Angle of Granite; 8. Society of Arthritic Gardeners; 9. Super Aggravated Gastroenteritis.

The next to the last question: What does “echolalia” mean?

A small city in Africa; 2. The study of aeration; 3. The shape made by the impact of a stone on water; 4. Using filler words such as um, ah, er; 5. A genetic condition of the blood vessels; 6. A common bowel condition; 7. The process of choking on liquid; 8. An enzyme in some flowers; 9. The decorative fringe on commemorative flags.

And last, what did the man named Jagdish Chander do to become well known:

He was the inventor of coumputerized chess; 2. He is the current Maharishi of Transcendal Meditation; 3. The mathematical genius who authored “Russel’s Paradox.”; 4. Martin Luther’s boyhood playmate; 5. Inventor of the game Balderdash; 6. A famous English antique collector; 7. A religious fanatic who crawled 870 miles to see a Hindu goddess; 8. A cartoon character in India; 9. The architect of the Taj Mahal.

There. You may not wear cowboy boots in Blythe, California unless you own at least two cows.

In Somalia, Africa, it is illegal to carry old chewing gum on the end of your nose.

“To the last man” is a movie about the Bataan death march.

The abbreviation “SAG” stands for screen actors guild.

The word “echolalia” means throwing in lots of ums, ers, ehs, and uhs while you are speaking.

Finally, Jagdish Chander gained what fame he has by crawling 870 miles to worship at the feet of a Hindu goddess.

And you? How did you do? There were 6 questions. If you got five right, no doubt about it, you’re a natural born balderdasher, and likely sober to boot. If you got 4 or more right, you’re a contender. If you got 3, you’re somewhat intuitive but liable to be easily led astray and confused. If you got 2 correct, never play Balderdash for money. And if you got 1 or none right, never play Balderdash at all. Unless you have tequila around to blame for your performance.