The Prairie Spy

Alan “Lindy” Linda

Rainbowe and I were looking out the window the other day, watching it snow when it’s almost May, remarking that it would likely only be summer if and when Hell freezes over.

As we were talking about whether or not it would or would not, I was reminded of the following, which is an actual response by a student to a University question on a chemistry exam: “Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?” The following is one student’s answer:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls leave. As for how many are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.

Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities.

If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So. If we accept the postulate given to me by my girlfriend last night that “It will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you,” and since she likely never will, then Hell must be exothermic (gives off heat).

That student got the only “A” in the test.