There she sat:  My sister at 8 years old on our rocking chair, pumping her legs up and down as she cried and screamed.  We didn’t know what set her off as our family watched her carry on.

It must have been dramatic since I can still see it in my mind’s eye although I was only five years old at the time.  Perhaps things had been piling up for Marty and one more event was the “one that broke the camel’s back.”

Do tantrum’s help?  In my sister’s case, it certainly must have calmed her down.  Tantrums can be kind of cute when the mastermind is very young.  However, they can also be frightening.

My husband and I were visiting with friends where we lived at Breezy Point Resort.  Larry and Joyce had a cute 2 year old, Molly.  With her being very active, she demanded all of our attention.  Molly wanted something which her mom denied her.  We watched transfixed as Molly stood very still, appearing to not be breathing.  Slowly her face changed from red to white, to a scary blue which became darker.  We exclaimed “Is she okay?  What can we do?”  Molly stood silently like this for a very long time while her face changed colors.

Joyce explained “Don’t worry—-the doctor said she’ll come out of it and stop hyperventilating on her own.”  And she did come out of it, followed by very loud crying.  It was her way of trying to control a situation with this tantrum. We were relieved yet plenty worried.  After we left we commented on how unusual it was.

So, in Molly’s case the tantrum didn’t help, plus it must have made her feel terrible. We’ve often wondered how long it took for Molly to outgrow this tactic.

Let’s move to adults.  Just because we’re no longer young children doesn’t mean we don’t have tantrums.  They’ve just morphed into new ways of handling stressful situations.  When life doesn’t go our way, do we stay calm or use the “fight or flight” mode?

It would seem our early life experiences help form our reactions to things unpleasant.  Some adults can take a deep breath before speaking calmly and evenly.  For others, this is difficult or impossible.  How do we respond to stress?  Since we know it won’t help to stomp our feet and scream like my sister did, some response is expected and appropriate.  Maybe remaining quiet, counting to ten (or 100) helps.  Sometimes saying nothing helps the feeling pass.

I don’t recall how I handled my own conflicts early on.  I might have run off screaming to avoid embarrassment.  Somewhere along the way, we hopefully create appropriate responses other than resorting to violence or other rash decisions which only make life tougher.

While child tantrums needn’t morph into dangerous adult reactions, wise guidance is needed early on in order to become a well balanced adult emotionally.

By the way, my sister grew up to become a balanced adult who no longer stomped her feet while screaming over conflict.  I miss her every day.